Chances Lost II - Harm
by Penne
Summary: This is the Harm version , with an ending now, Race day.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Chances Lost (Harm)

Author: Penne

E-mail: pennenew@aol.com

Spoilers: Jagathon

Summary: Alternate outcomes to pre-Jagathon. 

Disclaimer: I don't claim to own these characters, please don't sue. Ooops forgot to put this in last chapter.

Author's note: OK, had some interesting feedback on the last segment. Basically I may need to split the story in two to please all the Harm/Mac and Mac/Webb fans. So be aware this is the Harm version, taken from where we left off (Chances Lost). Haven't put it in as a chapter so there is no confusion between the two different storylines.

Harm sat in his car contemplating what he had just seen and heard. 'What the hell was going on? Surely not what it looked like - Mac and Webb? Life couldn't get any worse!' He was so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't noticed the Admiral drive up and enter the apartment block. 'Please don't let me lose her'.

A sudden tap on his window alerted him to the fact the Admiral was regarding him carefully through the windscreen.

"Commander. Care to explain why you are loitering out here?"

Harm got out of the car and warily met his CO's gaze. "I don't think that really needs any explanation Sir."

The Admiral pressed his lips together. "No. Are you going to be OK?"

The eyes that now looked at the Admiral were blank, devoid of all emotion. "Absolutely fine Sir."

AJ sighed resignedly. "Harm. Don't you think it is time you stopped hiding your emotions? It isn't that hard to let go."

"To lose control Sir? With all due respect, it **is** that hard."

"It's not a matter of losing control, Commander, it's called prioritising. Have you asked yourself what the single most important thing in your life is?"

"Sir, I don't think…"

AJ held up a silencing hand. "Exactly, don't think, just answer, one word is all that's required. Be selfish in your answer. What or who makes your life complete?"

Without a moments hesitation Harm whispered "Mac."

"Yes." The Admiral smiled. "Feel better?"

A rush of relief flooded through Harm, and despite the situation a smile bubbled to the surface. He looked up at Mac's window. "But…."

The Admiral followed his gaze and looked sympathetic. "Tonight may not be a good idea though."

The look in Harms eyes showed his pain. "You don't think they….."

"Harm, she is hurt and confused, and in desperate need of feeling special. She also needs to sort things through. You are afraid to love, and she is afraid of not being loved."

"But Webb?"

"Either way he will do right by her. He is more honourable than he likes anyone to think."

********************************

Webb turned from the Admiral and started up the stairs to Mac's apartment. 'Oh my God. What am I doing?' He sat down on the stairs to contemplate the past few hours when the pizza delivery boy interrupted him.

"At last." He muttered.

********************************

Mac stared out of the window. Harm was still there, talking to the Admiral. She watched the man she loved for so many years looking so wretched. The feeling of emptiness she had felt earlier started creeping back, the thought that she was responsible for his pain drained her of any remaining happiness.

She turned away from the window and paced the room. 'What am I doing? Webb? I mean maybe in another lifetime but…Man, I am losing it' She froze in anticipation as she heard the door softly click open. 'I feel sick'. She remained facing away from the door, unable to turn and face the man who had been there for her time and time again that day.

"Mac, I…"

She flinched at the silence being broken. 'What have I done? And how am I going to undo it without damage?' Slowly she became aware of a muffled noise. She spun around and was shocked to find Webb seated, head in hands, shoulders shaking slightly. Momentarily Mac was appalled to think she might have made him cry. However she recovered just as quickly. She smiled.

"Well Webb it is nice to see you having such a good time." He finally raised his eyes to hers and her eyebrows shot up sarcastically.

"I'm…sorry….Mac.." Webb stammered out between ill-concealed laughter.

She strode over and grabbed the pizza out of his hands. "So the idea of being with me is that repugnant to you?" She said in mock indignation.

Webb abandoned all hopes of concealing his laughter. Mac settled herself on the sofa with the largest slice of pizza she could find and watched with amusement as Webb desperately tried to control his mirth. Every time he appeared to have control she would only have to quirk an eyebrow, or feign an offended look and he would be out for the count.

"OK…..please….stop…" he begged, sucking in his cheeks in an effort to contain the smile that kept leading to fits of giggles.

Mac's eyes danced with humour. She contemplated taking it further, but decided against it. "Seriously Clay, are we OK?"

He looked at her to gauge whether she was bating him. He let out a sigh of relief as he finally mastered his laughter, and wiped the last of the tears from his eyes, a small smile the only give away of his outburst. "We are fine Mac."

"You sure?" She asked whilst handing him a slice of pizza.

He tilted his head questioningly. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Well…" She looked embarrassed. "Before…"

"Listen Mac." He held up a hand while he finished his mouthful. "We both needed some form of companionship, and we fleetingly let it head in a direction that neither of us were prepared for. We should just be thankful of all the interruptions that gave us time to get our heads together."

She nodded thoughtfully and smiled. "Well good, cause you know I would have missed the sarcastic smug, obnoxious…."

"Hey, hey…" He smiled warningly. "Always good to know you are appreciated." He looked down at the pizza in his hands and then looked back at her. "What are you going to do then?"

"Harm?"

"No - Bud. Yes Harm!"

She gave a shallow laugh. "Even thinking about it terrifies me."

"Why don't you just go and talk to him."

"It's late.."

"C'mon Mac, you know he is just outside. I doubt he will leave…..at least until I do." She shrugged. "On that note it is late, and you have a race to run in the morning." He smiled encouragingly and collected his coat.

"Oh God, I had completely forgotten."

"Yeah well, don't use me as excuse if you don't win." They walked to the door. 

Before he had the chance to say anything she hugged him tightly. "Just had to get that in prior to you becoming 'CIA Webb' again." She smiled and stepped back. "Thank you again Clay, don't rush out into anything too dangerous."

"Where's the fun in that? Thanks Mac, it has been decades since I have laughed like that. Good night." The door closed between them. He reached out and touched the door sadly for a moment, and then turned abruptly and left.

**************************************

Mac stood on the other side of the door smiling sadly, yet for the first time in a long time, she felt optimistic. She switched off the lights and walked over to the window, shrouded by the darkness. He was still out there; she wasn't surprised, he was always watching from a distance.

**************************************

He watched the lights in her apartment go out. His heart quickened in fear - he hadn't seen Webb come out yet. The passenger door swung open and Webb got in.

"Commander, you should really lock your doors, you never know who is lurking around at this time of the night."

Harms eyes narrowed, "Usually lowlifes, Webb." He growled.

"Or Peeping Tom's." Webb countered, looking pointedly up at Mac's window where Harm had so intently been focusing on a few minutes ago.

He ignored the comment. "What has happened? Why have you left her alone?"

Webb raised his brows. "You would rather I had spent the night?"

"No."

"Rabb, I have had just about enough of this. Get your act together and tell her. Nothing has happened, by the way, nothing ever would - she loves **you**. God knows why. Every moment you put off telling her you feel the same way you are causing her suffering."

Harm watched as Webb went over to his car and drove off. 'Smug twit'. He got out of the car and looked up again at Mac's window, trying to work up the courage. 'How hard can it be? I-love-you. Easy'. But even at the thought he felt his face flame up, and his legs threatened to give way. 'I'm only this way with you.'

*****************************

Mac waited in the dark silent room. She watched her partner as he crossed the road to her apartment for the fourth time. Each time he got to the apartment block he shook his head and walked back to his car. She willed him to stay on her side of the road this time. He did, but didn't approach, he just stayed on the curb, head down. 'Come on Harm.' She watched him with interest. He started to turn away again. 'Ha! Don't trust a squid to do a marine's job.' She flew across the room, out the door and down the stairs. She wrenched the outside door open "HARM." She called at the same time as she collided with him on his way in. "Ow. Oh, hi." 

"You called?"

"You were coming up?" She said in a small voice, frowning. "I thought you were leaving." (Again)

"Never Mac." His eyes glinted in the darkly lit foyer. "I…"

"Harm. Wait. Today has been too long already to start talking about anything tonight." At his disappointed look she reached out and curled her fingers around his. "But I **do** want to have this talk."

"You do?"

She grinned at him, it was rare to see him unsure of himself. "Yeah. How about tomorrow after I whip you in the race." Her grin grew, and she steadied herself against the door for the inevitable jelly legs when he smiled.

"A-ha. Really?" There it was - the patented Rabb smile.

"Absolutely." 'He better stop smiling soon, or I will fall over.'

"Mac, do you promise? I will not leave without a promise."

She considered whether she really wanted him to leave. He took a step closer. She watched as if from afar as he slowly inched closer to her. She was lost. 'God he is beautiful'. A car skidded around the corner loudly and broke her reverie. She shook her head, "I promise." She laughed at the look of frustration on his face.

He pulled away. "OK, I'll go, but under protest." He smiled again, leaned back and brushed his lips softly across hers. He looked into her eyes. "Last chance?"

"OK Flyboy, go now!" She ordered, but her mouth quirked into a lopsided smile.

"Ma-ac." He whined, staying close, eyes dancing. He was caught off guard as she lunged into his arms for a passionate, albeit brief kiss, and shoved him out the door. 

*********************************

She raced into her apartment and closed the door, dancing and giggling like a lunatic. She tangoed dramatically past her bedroom mirror and caught sight of herself and abruptly stopped, flushing with embarrassment and looking around guiltily for onlookers. Paranoia overwhelmed her and she wondered idly whether Webb might have set up any hidden cameras. 'Don't be stupid Mac'. 

She smiled as the phone rang. "Hello."

"Good luck in the race tomorrow - you are going to need it. Sweet dreams Sarah." He had hung up before he could reply.

***************************


	2. Chances Lost III

Title: Chances Lost (Harm) II

Author: Penne

E-mail: pennenew@aol.com

Spoilers: Jagathon

Summary: Alternate outcomes to pre-Jagathon. 

Disclaimer: I don't claim to own these characters, please don't sue. 

Author's note: Continued from where we left off in Chances Lost (Harm).

Harmon Rabb Jr. lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, trying half-heartedly to fall asleep. God knew he needed the rest for the race tomorrow - actually now today - but he couldn't help his mind from turning over the events of the night. Finally at about 4am he slipped into a fitful slumber.

***************************

Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, on the other hand, had never slept better. The minute her head hit the pillow she was out, with a content smile gracing her features.

**************************

Race day had dawned without a cloud in the sky, crisp and clear, perfect weather for the Jagathon. Harriet smiled happily as she motored around past the water stations, giving a final check that everything was in place. She caught sight of Lt. Singer (who privately Harriet regarded as her arch nemesis) stretching near the start of the race. She experienced an almost irresistible impulse to run her into the flowerbed she was standing by. Instead she smiled sweetly and called out "Beautiful day Lieutenant, good luck in the race."

Singer looked up suspiciously and cocked her head confidently. "Thank you Lieutenant, but keep your luck for those that need it."

"As you wish Ma'am." 'Idiot.' She turned to face Gunny and Tiner who had walked up behind Singer. "Good luck Gunny, Tiner"

Gunny had the sense to swallow the laugh that threatened. "Thank you Ma'am." He rolled his eyes, behind Singer's back. Tiner just nodded, glancing somewhat nervously at Lt. Singer.

The group had swelled so that most of the staff who were racing were present. Bud looked around. "Where is Commander Rabb?" Everyone looked nervously at Mac, unsure of her reaction.

Fortunately her head was down as she touched her toes and she missed their concern. Her reply was nonchalant. "Have you ever known the Commander to be on time?" The group let out a collective sigh of relief.

Sturgis strolled up to the group. "Never in all the years I have known him."

Mac smiled. "Well he has given the field 6 minutes anyhow, maybe he slept in."

******************************

Mac was feeling confident, she had set off at a good pace, and at the moment was at the head of the field. Compared to the day she had yesterday, she felt calm, in control and hopeful. She allowed herself to contemplate the 'talk' she and Harm were going to have after the race, however she didn't let herself become complacent, she knew Sturgis, the Admiral, and possibly Harm (if he ever showed up) would be formidable opponents.

*****************************

Harm raced up to the start line feeling he had run a marathon before he even started the race. He had slept in, forgot breakfast, had to stop for petrol and got a somewhat dubious muffin and juice, got caught in traffic, felt sick and couldn't find a space for his car.

"Commander, just in time. Oh, you look awful. Do you really think…"

"Yes Harriet." He puffed. "I do. How long?"

"You have 20 seconds."

His face fell. "OK, fine." Nothing was going to stop him today.

"5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - GO!"

Harm took off, wondering how the hell he was going to catch up with the rest of the group. 'Tell the truth Rabb - there is only one person you want to catch up with'. He smiled and increased his pace.

********************************

Mac felt great, she had almost run the perfect race. Normally she wasn't particularly fond of running, but today nothing could put her off stride. So far there had been no sign of any other contender, for a fleeting moment she wondered whether she had run off track, but not even her paranoia could mar her happiness today. 

********************************

After several uneventful miles he started to feel a little more confident about his circumstances. He had passed a few of his work colleagues, and his stomach had stopped rumbling in protest against the muffin. He increased his speed again and took a corner a little over zealously and went over on his ankle.

"Commander!" Harriet raced over in the buggy. "Commander are you OK?"

Harm was still swearing under his breath. "Yes, I am fine Lieutenant." He tried unsuccessfully to stand.

"Respectfully, you are not Sir." She reached out and steadied him. "That's it for you."

He looked wildly at her, his eyes pleading. "I **have** to Harriet."

"You need to win that badly Sir?" Harriet looked at him with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

He sighed, "I don't care about winning."

"Then why?" Harriet stopped suddenly and a smile slowly crept across her face.

Harm watched as she grinned at him indulgently. Her smile had got so wide Harm wondered idly whether it was causing her pain. "Harriet, no offense, but you are beginning to look a little psychotic."

She laughed. "Sorry Sir - it's just I never thought this day would come - especially, um, after last night."

A look of pain flitted across his face. "Me too." He winced as he tried to put weight on his foot. "But Harriet, it is really important that I am at that finish line. **Please** let me go."

"Commander, you know I am the worst romantic fool - and I would love you to be able to - but you just won't make it…………Unless……"

Harm frowned, "What?"

"Get in!"

"What?!"

"There is no way you will make it on that ankle, but in the buggy." She smiled mischievously.

"Lieutenant!" Harm looked shocked, but got in.

******************

Sturgis had counted off everyone but the Colonel. She was proving to be a more formidable opponent than Harm had suggested. However this didn't bother him, he preferred a challenge.

He looked over his shoulder as he had done all race, expecting to see Harm desperately trying to catch up. He knew his friend would do everything in his power to get close to Mac, even if it meant killing himself in the effort to do so. It surprised Sturgis that he had not yet seen him. 'You are leaving your run a little late buddy.' He picked up his pace.

*********************

Harriet chattered away happily, perfectly aware that the Commander was paying no attention whatsoever to her. He was presently in another world. She stole a surreptitious glance at him. She returned her concentration to the road just as a dog ran out. She slammed on the brakes - hard. 

'Oh thank God.' The dog barked happily and ran off. She turned to the Commander, "Oh Sir - Oh no!"

"I'm OK Harriet." He sat looking a little dazed, there was a small cut on his lip, and his right eye looked red.

"No you are definitely not OK this time Sir."

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember what had happened. One minute he was thinking about Mac and the next minute his head was playing bongo drums on the dashboard.

Harriet ignored his protests and drove towards the medical corpsman.

"But Harriet I need to get to the finish line." He whined petulantly.

"I know Sir." She rolled her eyes 'the man puts off saying it for 7 years and then he can't wait 10 extra minutes?' "But you have a lifetime for that." She used the smile she used for little AJ. It seemed to work.

*************************

"Hi Sturgis." She greeted as he came up alongside her. "I have been waiting for you."

"Ma-ac." He drew out her name. "Why would you have done that?"

She grinned, "So I could be sure someone was here to see me win!" She raced off suddenly.

He let out a laugh and sped after her.

************************

By the time the corpsman had gotten through with Harm the race had been long finished. The Admiral was congratulating everyone on their performance, and extending an invitation for everyone to meet at McMurphy's that night, for an impromptu celebration.

The admiral walked over, his eyes swept over Harm taking in the bandaged foot, cut lip and what appeared to be a nasty black eye developing. "What exactly have you been doing Commander?"

Harriet launched into an explanation and Harm scanned frantically for Mac.

The Admiral and Harriet exchanged knowing glances. "I sent her home Harm."

His eyes suddenly snapped into focus on the Admiral. "Why Sir, is she alright?" His voiced was laced with concern.

"Mmmm, just a little wet." He chuckled. "She and Sturgis tied for first. And some of the other participants decided the winners needed a little drenching down after the race. As it is getting a little cooler now, well I told them they should get out of their wet clothes. Commander, I should tell you she didn't want go. I had to make it an order."

Harm didn't respond. The Admiral looked at Harriet for help, only to receive a shrug. Gunny saved them from having to work out what to say next by calling out to Harm and jogging over.

"Sir." He addressed Harm. "The Colonel asked me to tell you she was sorry, and she hoped to see you at McMurphy's tonight."

"Thank you Gunny."

"Why don't I drive you home Commander?" The Admiral steered Harm towards his car.

**************************

Harm stood outside the door of McMurphy's. This was it, at this stage he was a bundle of raw nervous energy. He reached out and grasped the door handle, took several deep breaths and ventured in. He immediately saw her; a crowd of well wishers surrounded her and Sturgis. She looked over and smiled warmly at him. His nerves settled a little.

An hour and a half later, however, he had a pounding headache and had barely spoken two words to her. She had made her way over to him, only to be whisked away. He finally extricated himself from a painful conversation with Lt. Singer. He started to feel dizzy now too, he had to get out. He went to find everyone to say goodbye.

He finally located Mac with her back to him talking to a small group of women. He approached them through the crowd. They all seemed very intent. Mac was talking.

"Harm is not in love with me."

"He certainly is." This from Harriet.

"We are very close, and he may love me as a friend, we have a lot of history, but he is not in love with me."

"Your w-w-wrong." Her eyes fell on the Commander in question now standing right behind Mac. She smiled uncertainly. Everyone else just stared.

"Ladies, I was just coming up to say goodnight. I am not feeling all that well so I thought I would take off." He smiled charmingly. He turned to Mac who was facing him with a look of shock frozen on her face. "You are wrong. I am in love with you." He gave her a lingering kiss. "Completely." He turned back to the group of women watching with interest. "Goodnight." He turned and made his way out.

Mac blinked slowly. "Oh my God." She spun and dashed after him, seven smiling women in tow.

She caught up with him as he passed though the door. "Harm don't go!"

He gradually turned toward her and came closer "Why Mac?", and closer.

She watched him, unable to speak.

"I need to hear why." His voice was soft, closer still.

"Because I…" He was now almost touching her. "Because I love you." She stood on her tiptoes and touched her lips softly to his. "Completely."

"OK ladies, give them some space." The Admiral ushered the crowd away, and allowed himself a smile.

******************************


End file.
